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  • Dear boys,
    When in doubt, "Have you lost weight?" always works.
    Dear "better than the leading brand",
    If you're better than the leading brand, wouldn't you be the leading brand?
    Dear smokers,
    I may not own the air, but I still don't want it full of your crap.
    Dear mom,
    Why is it that when I do something wrong, it's my fault, but if I do something right, it's because you raised me so well?
    Dear toilet,
    Please don't clog, please don't clog, please don't clog!
    Dear pedophile,
    Age is just a number?
    Dear America,
    There is a time and place for being different. This is not one of them.
    Dear BP,
    Please never make tampons.
    Dear online tech support,
    Yeah... See, the problem's that my Internet isn't working.
    Dear girl wearing a pad with leggings,
    Please start using tampons to avoid the lump of what looks like poo in your pants.
    Dear random lady in the parking lot,
    Please stop looking over your shoulder like you are about to spray me with pepper spray. My car just happens to be in the same direction.
    Dear dog next door,
    That shadow? Yeah, it's not going anywhere... Now shut up and go to sleep.
    Dear Pope,
    How come we have to wear long clothes to go in to the Vatican when all of the paintings in there are of naked people?
    Dear mom,
    If I knew where I last saw it, I wouldn't have asked you where it was.
    Dear parents,
    You scream at me when I don't answer the phone... I've called you eleven times now.
    THIS IS PAGE 2
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