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  • Dear chubby children running after me,
    This is my way of helping cure childhood obesity.
    Dear animal shelter commercial,
    Thank you for making me feel like a bad person because I have a dog with all four legs.
    Dear hair straightener,
    Please stop making your burns look like hickeys.
    Dear mom,
    So... You're a doctor, and you can't even tell when I'm faking a sickness?
    Dear men over 40,
    I'm sorry, we're just not meant to be together.
    Dear Disney channel stars,
    Hi! It's so nice to meet you!
    Dear ghetto moms,
    FYI: No one is going to hire your kid named 'Shanaqualeesha.'
    Dear university teachers,
    I don't call you "Professor" out of respect. I do it because it makes me feel like I'm in Harry Potter.
    Dear Ariel,
    Trading your voice for a vagina just to be with a boy is downright slutty and inappropriate, especially when you're only sixteen years old.
    Dear teachers,
    You make us buy one inch, 3 ring binders just for your class, and you don't even hole punch your handouts?
    Dear celebrities,
    If you want to brighten up my day, throw me a few hundred dollars instead of coming to my country and giving me a hug.
    Dear native Americans,
    Sorry about the whole downfall of your civilization. Funny story, I was actually looking for India...
    Dear CSI,
    Will you pretty please tell us where you get your lab instruments that can match fingerprints and photographs within seconds? Ours take hours and hours and we're a bit jealous.
    Dear 14 year old self,
    Thank you for recording just how much of a nutcase you were in your blog. Also, thank you for never deleting it so that I can read it now and laugh for hours.
    Dear cyclists,
    Please ride on the bike paths our city so wonderfully paved for you.
    THIS IS PAGE 2
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